HorrorScopes: September 2018

Mr Meaner

Aries: The flow of events today make it easy for you to make clear decisions, see the road ahead and move forward. Things seem to fall in place and progress is easy. Keep your foot on the gas, especially if you see red spinning lights in the rear-view.
Taurus: Some of the areas in which you may find some interest today are law, politics, education, travel and religion. There could be some talk of career advancement, but not in any of these areas. I see sandwich boards in your future.
Gemini: Work, achievement and ambition mean a lot to you now. This is a time when you can expect a little boost–some sort of extra support or recognition is available from those around you. Don’t be afraid to ask for that bail money you so desperately need. Your ass won’t last forever.
Cancer: You could become interested in lecturing, advertising, publishing and matters of public relations. Your imagination and creativity are strong. Coupled with the ability to put your thoughts into words, you can mesmerize most audiences. That anonymous sex blog you’re considering might be a good idea.
Leo: If you are not making the money you think you should make for now, it is time to reassess your abilities. This is one of your best times to move forward in your career. You’ve always been good at lying on your back doing nothing. Thoughts?
Virgo: When it comes to psychology, you have great penetration and always understand how to get down to the core material. You enjoy working with sensitive and vulnerable areas of the mind, searching out and defining points of transformation areas for growth. Psycho tropic drugs also work.
Libra: Today could bring the unexpected or find you in a very unusual mood. It may be that you feel like getting away from the routine for a while. Disguise yourself as the opposite sex, hit the streets and make new friends.
Scorpio: You could be most influential with people and your expressive way of speaking draws together people that want to know more. Notice how the most interested lean in to hear better. Once you see people begin to recoil, they may know too much. Stop talking.
Sagittarius: You may be unable to get the support you require today–patience will prevail. The difficulty may only be a merchandise delay or lost paperwork. Keep waiting, soon neither will mean anything once you’re hooked up to life support.
Capricorn: Work improvements are all around you today. This is a good day to initiate creative ideas. Improvement in working conditions and a boost in the profits has been a result of people like you. Your boss is so happy, he’s taken a 2 wk holiday in Aruba with all the extra profits!
Aquarius: This is a good time to consolidate and organize your affairs or rearrange your living situation or your financial growth. Yours is a reflective mind, a mirror for others. You may find friends sprinkling white powder all over you. Stay calm and try not to sneeze..
Pisces: This could be an action-filled day when time seems to slow down as you encounter some of your more sensitive areas. Get out your cell phone, your vibrator may not be as reliable as you first thought. Consider new batteries. Buy handi-wipes.