Horror Scopes: February 2018

Mr Meaner

Aries: You may be running into obstacles recently that make you stop and question the path you are on. Perhaps you have been acting on assumptions that are no longer valid. Face it. You were attractive and had a shot at love 40 years ago. Now? Not so much. The internet will be your lover forever.
Taurus: You may be going through a long-term phase, in which you are altering the way you see the world. Spiritual concerns are suddenly becoming a more important part of your life. All those tabs of acid you bought are really paying off and you finally see things clearly. You’ll die alone.
Gemini: Events are cropping up today that remind you that your dreams will never come true unless you take active steps toward making them happen. Stop stalling. Buy that rope, tie that noose and make that phone call. Who loves ya? Good chance to find out.
Cancer: It could be that a close friend of yours, perhaps even your mother, is being quite stubborn and acting as if she has all the answers for you. Disregard all their advice. History has only confirmed your susceptibility to being manipulated by others. Whatever they say, do the exact opposite. After all, their advice has never paid off before. You’re still a loser.
Leo: Something or someone may be prodding you to take action today. It may be best if you beat them to it and just motivate yourself. A Tazer in the back is no way to start your day.
Virgo: You may find that freedom is a core issue for you, and that you are yearning to break away from a situation that has been dragging you down for some time now. Tell your spouse you’re going out to get a loaf of bread and never look back. Make sure you have a full tank of gas and all their passwords.
Libra: This is a good day to help others who are in need. There might be a friend who has been going through a tough time. Practice your ‘I’m concerned” look in the mirror and then just show up on their doorstep. Paydays are always best, just after work before they have a chance to put the beer and groceries away.
Scorpio: You can befriend just about anyone. You find it easy to chat with strangers and to find common ground. But today you could make friends with a tough character. Be sure to leather up and sterilize that ball gag. Love is complicated, contagious and online.
Sagittarius: The pace of things is likely to slow down compared to what was going on for you yesterday. This is probably for the best because you were very close to having a stroke and didn’t realize it. Put away the Viagara and close that internet browser will ya?
Capricorn: This is a good day to bury the hatchet. You could be feeling stressed right now because you need to clear the air with someone. And by hatchet, I mean axe. The one in the garage that has your fingerprints on it. Bury it deep.
Aquarius: You might be experiencing a great deal of emotional confusion. There is a debate brewing inside you and you are having a hard time deciding whether to pursue the practical or the more fanciful. In the end, they will both leave you empty and disappointed. Do nothing.
Pisces: Today may be charged with unexpected emotional tension for you that might be very difficult to handle. Your first reaction to a stressful situation may be to keep the lid on a raging pot for fear of getting burnt. Ignore it. Lash out at the nearest stranger. Scream at them until they run away. Your laughter will be your best medicine.