February 2020

Mr Meaner

Aries: You are not as easily fooled as some people like to think you are and you will know without having to be told if someone is feeding you bad intel. Remember alternative facts are just lies in disguise, like when the say I love you.
Taurus: Something you have wanted for ages is now within reach and all you have to do is take it. Ignore those human resource lectures about appropriate touching. There’s no such thing, so just go for it.
Gemini: Your powers of persuasion are high now and if anyone can get the doubters to follow a new lead then you can. You do, of course, have to make sure first that the new lead is correct and proper, not just for you but for everyone involved. I’m kidding, it’s all about you. Celebrate it.
Cancer: By all means stick with tried and trusted ways of doing things but don’t be scared to change things around a bit if you think it might do some good. Free your hands by using a strap-on or consider Unicorn Cosplay. Can’t hurt, unless you want it to.
Leo: You seem to have a special insight into what is going on in your neighborhood others will sense that and come to you for advice. Help them if you can but don’t promise what is clearly impossible. If they’re loveless, tell them why and suggest calling someone who cares for $100/hr.
Virgo: Today, you will find it quite easy to say the right thing. But you must also be truthful in what you say, even at the risk of upsetting people you pretend to love. The right thing and the dishonest thing can be the same thing.
Libra: There are so many things going on around you at the moment that you may find it hard to focus on any one thing for any length of time. But why should that be a problem? Variety being the spice of life it’s good that you want to try everything. Today search for FurbyLove and enjoy.
Scorpio: You need to give some serious thought as to what you are going to be doing in your life over the next few months. Think back to the promises you made at the turn of the year. Clearly that haircut isn’t working and avoiding showers has brought you no joy. Hit the streets and hook up with someone stinkier than you. Be a hero.
Sagittarius: Focus on the bigger picture and let other people take care of the details. You may be a bit reckless by nature but sometimes that can work in your favour. Act on the spur of the moment. demand your dinner be brought to you in bed and feel free to soil the sheets. See if love really is unconditional.
Capricorn: Consider your options carefully, then act swiftly and decisively. There are only two adult stores in town and they are in the same mall. case them both out and then follow the most needy shopper home. Stay hidden.
Aquarius: Your sign adds sharpness to both the way you think and the way you speak, and anyone who meets with your disapproval today may wish they had stayed out of your way. Don’t go looking for trouble though, quite enough of it will find you! be prepared and have your lawyer’s number on speed dial.
Pisces: You may believe that nothing can go wrong and that whatever you say or do will work out for the best, and you may be right in the short-term. But the planets warn that your long-term interests could suffer if you behave irresponsibly. Think before you act. On second thought, you’re a loser and prison serves up 3 meals a day. Freedom is for losers.