HorrorScopes: Dec 2019

Mr Meaner

Aries: You’re often a loner, but for now, you need to seek out the safety of the pack. Whether you’re at work or office parties, you need others with you to ensure that things go the right way. That said, be sure no one is looking when you steal the booze and establish an alibi. Drink fast.
Taurus: Christmas is pushing all your buttons, but there’s not much you can do about it, so you might as well find a way to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Or get even. The choice is yours.
Gemini: You find a big new change coming your way. What could be more exciting? From everyone else’s perspective, anything.
Cancer: You need to use your head, otherwise you never know what’s going to pop up. Things are looking a bit weird for you right now, so make sure that you’re not doing anything to make that worse. Consider putting your Santa pants back on and going indoors.
Leo: Your relationship with power is always a little wobbly, but right now, you can feel it pulling you strongly. You may need to go in a new direction in order for this to work out correctly. If the pulling gets to be too much, tell your partner to lay off the leash and just settle for the Holiday ball gag.
Virgo: Your ability to open up and think laterally is challenged today, so make sure that you’re able to handle it all at once. If you’re dealing with holiday issues, a great work idea may pop up, or vice versa. Staring blankly into space has never let you down, and most people think you’re a genius. go with it.
Libra: Your curiosity and restless energy are driving you to try new gifts. You may find that you meet someone new who tips you off to something really great. Then again, they may lure you into an alley, touch you inappropriately and then take your wallet and tinsel .
Scorpio: Your family holidays are at the forefront of your mind right now, so make sure that you are focusing on kids, your mate or whomever else counts as a family member. Things can get a lot better! Try remembering when you were young and stole things from your parents. This same kind of initiative can help put around the gift buying season.
Sagittarius: You’re quite impressive right now, so don’t hide out. Strut your stuff and show the world what you’ve got! It’s a great time for meeting new people, trying out for new jobs or just buying things. Carry a mistletoe around with you at all times, both for luring stalkers and for bribing lonely friends..
Capricorn: Your future might seem relatively clear right now, but that’s just because you’re such a good planner. Now is the time for you to think through every angle and make sure that you can coast through the next few weeks. Try drawing pictures of what you’re thinking about doing, just be sure not to leave them where others can find them.
Aquarius: Your ambitious side is dominant today, but you’re still fun to be around. It’s a really good time to enlist others in your schemes, as they seem much more likely to come to pass today. When bossing around your friends use words like “beer” and “sex” to make your point. Be sure to immediately chastize anyone who doesn’t agree with you and call crime stoppers if you have to.
Pisces: Other people are on your side, whether you can see it or not. Now is the time to join together to pull off victories you could never achieve on your own. Group action gets results! Lobby the government for some new fighter jets or extra troops and then storm that neighbour who has been withholding for years. Ignore all those who seem to be against you.

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